A Selection of Mothers' Questions
This report is from our 2023 archive. See what the Foundation does now.
Translated from Arabic. Read the original.

A selection of mothers' questions, so that everyone can benefit
When should I ignore my child's bad behaviour, and when should I punish it?
This question is bound to puzzle every mother whenever her child misbehaves. But let us agree that there are behaviours that can be overlooked, because they may change as the child grows older: finger-sucking at the age of five, for example, unless the doctor asks you to intervene. Some unwanted behaviour aimed at attracting your attention can also be ignored, such as persistent crying to demand something. But some troublesome behaviour cannot be overlooked or ignored, and requires you to intervene clearly to correct it.
What do I do when there is hitting towards other children or towards his siblings?
Go to him at once and tell him immediately that this behaviour is not acceptable, and ask him: “Would you accept it if your brother hit you the way you hit him?”, so that he learns the consequences and understands that treating others violently is completely unacceptable. Remind him every time he plays with his friends or his siblings that you will not allow any violent behaviour during play, and guide him to express his displeasure with a situation or a person in words and in a proper manner, and to tell others what he wants without hurting them. If he repeats this behaviour, end the play immediately.
My son pretends not to hear me. What do I do???
You may need to repeat an instruction more than once, such as clean your room or tidy your wardrobe, and your child's response is indifference, or what is called selective listening: he hears only what he wants to hear and nothing else. Do not ignore it, because it means he is not respecting you; and your need to repeat the instruction more than once teaches him not to act until he is told again.
And an important note…
You need to correct your own behaviour this time too: do not give him an instruction from the far end of the flat, with you in the kitchen and him in his room. Go to him, make sure you come down to his eye level, look him in the eye, pat him on the shoulder and tell him what you want. You can switch the television off so that his attention is not distracted at that moment. If that does not work, tell him he has to bear the consequence of this behaviour, for example by not letting him go out to play, or by cutting how often he plays on the computer from twice to once.
The important question … how do you set rules for behaviour without restricting him?…
Make sure you set a few simple rules that everyone in the house follows, such as asking him to get your permission before eating sweets. If, for example, he turns the television on without your permission, turn it off and tell him he must ask you first; stating the rule in a clear, steady voice inside the house also helps him to remember it. And if, for example, your son colours his hand with paints, tell him he will not be taking part in painting his room.
How do I correct him without embarrassing him?
Tell him that you understand his feelings and that it is good to be brave, but that there is no need to make up stories in order to be brave, because no one will believe him if he keeps lying. Illustrate this with the story of the child who pretended to be drowning and whom people did not believe when he really was drowning; stories help children to see a situation from the outside. Find out what motivated him to lie, and make sure he does not get what he was after: if he says he brushed his teeth when he did not, have him go and brush them in front of you.
How do I respond to my child's improper behaviour?????
Tell him that this behaviour is improper and not allowed, and explain why: you might say that this gesture or these words mean that you do not like what I say or do not respect me. If he insists on the behaviour, tell him you will not talk to him, then leave him and walk away; or tell him that your ears do not hear that kind of talk, and that when he stops you will listen to what he says
When I am busy my child starts insisting on talking to me. What do I do then??
Your child will not understand why being busy matters, so if you are busy talking to your husband or a friend, make sure you find something to occupy him, such as a favourite toy. If your son interrupts you, do not answer him; direct him to sit down until you have finished talking, and make it clear that he will not get what he wants as long as he interrupts you.
And finally, always be a role model for your child, surround him with love, affection and encouragement, and offer him several real choices
An important note: all the answers above vary according to the child's abilities, meaning that each mother should try to adjust these behaviours according to her own child's abilities and understanding.
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